The Inner Workings of Lucy Heartfilia
by Alice Harkey
Summary: "If she did run, she'd go there, to Fairy Tail. It would all start in a city called Magnolia. Her future would begin in a guild named Fairy Tail." What was Lucy thinking before she ran off to begin her life in Fairy Tail?


**AN/: Hey there! Alice-chan here with another story! Don't worry, this isn't one that you'll get to wait for months on end for updates. It's already completed! One-shot just for the heck of it!**

**Happy New Years! Have all my little Keys made their new year resolutions yet? I've decided to try and actually keep to a schedule for updating this year, as well as try to communicate with you guys more via my facebook page! Here's a little something simple to start off the new year! Enjoy!**

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She rocked back and forth in her chair. The light outside was nearly nonexistent. The lamps outside the front of her estate had all gone dead long ago to save energy. Now, the only light provided in this late of night was from the pale moon, and it gave off an eerie glow that drained the color from everything it touched. She liked it that way. She liked everything matching the way she felt on the inside: dead and colorless. When it was like that she felt at peace with herself. Nothing mattered, for everything was equally gray and morbid. It was like she didn't have to compete with her emotions. She didn't have to pretend.

On the other hand, she just very much liked the night in general. When she wasn't in such a depressed mood she often liked to look out her bedroom window, which gave her a magnificent view of the mountains and a lake, and gaze at the stars. She lived in a part of the world where the moon was still a magnificent sight. It was close to her, large in size, taking up a large portion of the night sky. When she looked out her window at the right time of night, the moon sat on the horizon like a sunset. It was when she wasn't depressed that she liked to gaze out at the sparkling waters and stare at the stars, the moon, and its reflection.

Lucy stopped rocking and pulled her knees into her chest. She hadn't always been the way she was now, lonely and depressed. She could never remember exactly when it had started, when exactly it shifted from always being happy and being depressed only sometimes to always being depressed and pretending to be happy. It had began after her mother's death. She would occasionally get depressed but, because of her father's negligence, she slowly began to feel down more and more.

She wanted out of that place. She wanted to be happy again. It seemed that no matter what she tried she couldn't make herself happy where she was. If she ever did find a glimpse of happiness her father quickly snuffed it out. She didn't think it was that he was purposely doing it, but she definitely believed that he was being too selfish to realize how his decisions affected her. Actually, he didn't seem to realize how his decisions affected anyone but himself. She tried to put herself in his shoes many times. On one hand, perhaps he was dealing with the death of his wife the only way he could. Maybe he was drowning himself with work so he wouldn't have to think too much about it, wouldn't really have time to miss her. Maybe he felt that what he was doing was what was best for the two of them. Could he just be trying to financially secure her future?

On the other hand, though, he never gave her the time of day. His attitude was that he always needed to get what he wanted when he wanted it. He was not to be disobeyed, because he was always right. He had that business-type attitude and, while Lucy figured it was useful and acceptable at work, he treated her like an irritating employee rather than a daughter. She tried so many times to get through to him and to make him realize that she was trying to communicate with him as a loving daughter, but he just shooed her away. The last time he talked to her was to tell her that she was to be married off to some other rich family for the sake of their company. He had "requested her presence" so that he could tell her this. He didn't say hello when she walked into the room, he hadn't turned to address her, he hadn't given her a choice on the matter, and he dismissed her back to her room when he finished speaking.

She supposed she could've dealt with the marriage thing well enough. She was the heiress of the richest company in Fiore! In modern society, stuff like marriage between two wealthy families was expected. She could've dealt with that if only her father had actually communicated with her a bit more. Had he picked a nice family? Would her fiance-to-be treat her well? Could she meet them before making any major decisions? She didn't have to ask anyone, not even herself, to know that discussing the matter with her father in any way other than to acknowledge the fact that she complied with it simply wasn't going to happen.

Tonight, though, she'd had enough. Her father had received word regarding her arranged marriage. It had been called off. Oh, her father was furious! He had locked himself in his office and refused to eat dinner, sending a servant to deliver the news to Lucy. Even without interacting with him directly she knew that he was positively fuming with rage. Lucy had heard him slamming the doors shut as he walked through the halls, cursing about how such a profitable opportunity had just slipped away. Normally, the man was never that ill tempered when it came to business agreements. She knew that the marriage deal had been just that: a business deal. That wasn't what had her fed up with everything. What did was the fact that he hadn't even referred to her as his daughter, or even a human being for that matter. She could tell now that he viewed her as a tool. When she wasn't of any use, she was a nuisance.

The only person that should matter in her life, the only family she had left, didn't care about her anymore. He didn't view her as important unless he could use her to gain something. She didn't care what kind of emotions he was going through! A father does not treat his daughter like a tool! Yet, hers did.

She often felt alone in her big estate. Sure she had the servants to keep her company on most days, but was it wrong to want friends? Was it wrong to want to hear her father say, "Good morning," without sounding disgusted? She couldn't talk to the servants about how she felt, they would most likely be worried and tell her father everything she had said during their report of the daily events. If that happened, she'd probably get a good scolding from her father about how it was improper for her to associate with servants on a personal level. Talking to her father about how she felt was impossible to do. With no one else to talk to she'd done the only thing she could think of. She began to write letters to her deceased mother.

When Lucy thought about it too much, writing letters to your dead mother seemed kind of creepy. But, it helped. She was able to vent all her emotions onto paper to get them all out. While she could've just done that in a diary or something, writing to her mother seemed much more purposeful. It made her feel a bit closer to her mother and talking to someone you know would care always made you feel reassured. She couldn't remember when the habit had started, but nearly every night she would write to her mother telling her about her day and how her father was, explaining her emotional distress that came with the day as well. She would put the letters in a box that had belonged to her mother. Putting them in there made it seem like, even in death, she would be able to receive the letters.

"12:27," her wall clock read. It was so ungodly late but she couldn't get a wink of sleep. Then again, how could she when she wasn't even trying? It wasn't that she didn't want to sleep. No, in fact, she was beyond exhausted. Wake up, dress, eat breakfast alone, attend her daily lessons, take a break to eat lunch alone, more lessons, Celestial Magic training by herself, head to her room, read a book, write a page or two of her novel, dinner with her father sitting at the other end of the room, staying up late thinking and crying, repeat. Every single day had begun to be the same thing over and over. While sleep would help her fatigue, it wouldn't help much else. Sleeping meant that she'd wake up just to go through the same agonizing daily routine.

I could run, she considered. I could pack my bag and leave tonight and he wouldn't notice a thing, she thought. It was most likely true, too. If she left the staff would notice before her father spared a moment to care. Maybe that's what she would do. She was 17, almost an adult, after all. If she was old enough to be married off, she was old enough to take care of herself, right? She trained every day with her mother's keys, so she could protect herself. Perhaps, if she did run away, she'd join a mage guild. There was one guild she'd always dreamed of joining and it had actually been her inspiration to train so hard everyday.

She remembered it like it was yesterday, the day when her father had taken her out on a business trip with him. It was the first and last day she'd ever be allowed outside the estate grounds following her mother's death. Her father had been inside trying to settle a business deal. He hadn't taken her in with him, saying that an interfering child would be, simply put, annoying and risky for the deal. Lucy had been pretty much heartbroken by his words. It hadn't been long ago that her mother died and Lucy had craved his comfort. Even more so, she needed it. But, he had cast her aside for a business deal. Lucy hadn't even tried to ask him again, to try and change his mind. She simply sat in the carriage and waited for him to return. As the minutes ticked by, she began to get more hopeful that her father would come around and start to acknowledge her again.

"Maybe when he gets back, me and Papa can go get ice cream!" she had exclaimed excitedly to the guard that had been hired for the trip. The man had laughed lightly and ruffled her hair through the window.

"If the deal goes well, perhaps you two will," the guard had replied.

"Papa is really good at making deals! It'll go well for sure!" the little girl had chirped happily, her hope now through the roof. The guard continued to smile at her. "It used to be, Papa would take both me and Mama with him on business trips and whenever they went well, we'd all go get ice cream afterward." Her little smile began to drop. "But, since Mama died, Papa hasn't had time to get ice cream with me anymore."

"Don't be too sad, Miss Lucy. I'm sure he'll get around to it soon. Then, you two will go out to get ice cream all the time."

"You really think so?" Just like that Lucy had perked up again. The man had smiled and nodded at her. They had exchanged a few more words and then it went quiet. At some point she must have drifted off to sleep, because when she opened her eyes again, the carriage was moving. There was no one else in the carriage but her, so she knew that something was wrong. She'd rubbed her eyes and looked out the windows. Then the sounds of a woman calling out to her caught her attention. She hadn't remembered much of what was said, but she remembered seeing the woman's hand with a pink symbol on it.

That was what Lucy remembered the most. She knew that the woman had saved her, it wasn't too hard for her to guess that much. Most vividly, she recalled climbing out of the carriage and seeing the same symbol on a building. When she asked about it, Ms. Spetto, a maid that had come along to tend to Lucy for the duration of the trip – she had been off getting the young girl a drink while the guard kept an eye on Lucy – told her that it was the Fairy Tail guild, a mage guild.

The name stuck, the guild emblem stuck, and since then, Lucy had a dream to join Fairy Tail. Someone she hadn't known and hadn't been hired to do so saved her life and asked for nothing in return. Lucy found that admirable and wished to be a part of that. It seemed so amazing, to be a part of Fairy Tail. She learned that they were a strong mage guild and thus made it a point to train hard every single day.

If she did run, she'd go there, to Fairy Tail. If her father cared, the only emotion he'd display would be fury. Lucy knew that. He wouldn't be pleased that one of his tools up and left the toolbox. But she wouldn't care. She was tired of all the negative emotion her father brought upon her. She wanted to get away from that. Yes, maybe she would run. She'd run and do all kinds of crazy, unacceptable things just for spite. She'd wear revealing clothing in public, she'd be loud, she'd do dangerous things, and she'd associate with lower class people! She was her own person, despite what her father thought, and she'd do whatever the hell she wanted to do, regardless of what her father said.

She packed a bag and gathered things that were precious to her. She made sure to pack her mother's box in her little suitcase and she fastened her keys to her hip. She wouldn't need to take too much with her. She'd take a large amount of money for travel expenses like transportation, food, and shelter, but she figured she wouldn't be needing too much.

She put on some comfortable clothes and gathered her things. She was doing this, she was running away. No, she was leaving, starting her own life. She had nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. So, out the front door it was. She left right through the front door as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Truth be told, it was far from normal, because normal wasn't this exciting. As soon as she walked out that door she felt like she could breathe again. She still had to get off the estate grounds, but getting out of the house was a strong start. Now, she just had to keep going.

Keep moving, she commanded her legs to move. Don't look back, don't regret, don't forget. Her mother used to say that all the time. It was like her motto. They were good words to live by.

"You can't look back," she would say, "because the past isn't a place you can ever go to. Don't ever regret, because what's the point in regretting if you can't get to the past to change anything? But, most importantly, never forget the past, because that will help you shape the only thing you can change, your future, into all the things you want it to be and none of what you don't."

That was what she'd do. She wouldn't look back at all the negative feelings her father caused over the years, she wouldn't regret leaving tonight, and she'd use the knowledge she'd earned from all that to make her future the best it could be. It would all start in a city called Magnolia. Her future would begin in a guild named Fairy Tail.

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**END NOTE: Bet you guys thought I was dead, eh? Nope! Sorry! Haha I'm here to stay, just not consistently, it seems. Sorry for the long wait. I will be updating Writer's Block soon! I've already gotten about half the next part written! As for this being in the end note, well I didn't want to take up too much time at the beginning. Things have been crazy lately and to be honest, I'm ashamed that I haven't used my full winter break to just update like crazy! Shame on me! Well, let me know what you thought about this! Stay precious, my lovely Keys~!**

**~Alice-chan**


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